aINT it fuNNie

Funnie how the world can take little things for granted..........
Lying down on my bed, reflecting on the 20 soon to be 21yrs of my life....... all I can do is perspire.

Humans are created to feel, to live..........to mulitipy,
We play by Gods rules as well as Man-made rules.
God gave us freewill, but somewhere in between I feel He shouldnt have........
That's our blessing as well as our curse.

I disown my freewill and say God please rule me 100 per cent as this would prevent me from sin. If God is in full control esp of my choices, then I would never be put in the position to sin and hurt Him.

Funnie story, I'm still fooling around with my ex.........
There's a reason his is an ex, but I just cant seem to be able to close the book on him.
Thus giving him the upper power.
One problem I had in the relationship was how he could claim to LOVE me so much
But on the other hand hurt me.
How he could put and see me in so much pain in order to satisfy his gratifications.
How I gave him a choice to have me back and give up his distractions,
But he'd rather have his cake and eat it too.

With all these youd think a 2nd Year Law Student would be wise enough to close/end his chapter.

My ex has put me through so much pain........physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
The bible says the heart is decietfully wicked, mine is heading for eternal self destruct.

In a way, I still hold on to the soft spot I have for me ex,
He did score some brownie points,
he is a good person....just a little...........nah a lot misguided.
But now, my bones are weak,.......Ive have too much drama in my life right now to be his saviour.
Letting him go would be the hardest thing but it hads to be done.

As of tonight the door is permanently shot.

When all is said and done, I dont blame my ex because I do am guilty of his athrocities.
I claim if you love someone so much and want them so bad that you yearn for them in your soul and spirit, you would never dare to hurt them.

So I ask myself Y DO I HURT GOD.

I dnt intend to, but I admit that I have a split second of choice to revert from committing the crime, But I ignore His feelings for my own selfish desires.

So maybe My ex and I are not totally different.
Maybe he is even better than me,
Cuz his crime is against man and mine is against God.

I sometimes look at couples and laugh all around me............
They spend so much time arguing bout silly things and not focusing on the bigger picture.
One thing theyve taking for granted is the fact that they have eachother.

So when I sit here, alone typing thinking about how all the aspect of my life seem to be falling
apart,
Wishing the atleast with all this commotion Aaron could have been more responsive.
I can only conclude with a wearied tone by saying AINT IT FUNNIE