aINT it fuNNie

Funnie how the world can take little things for granted..........
Lying down on my bed, reflecting on the 20 soon to be 21yrs of my life....... all I can do is perspire.

Humans are created to feel, to live..........to mulitipy,
We play by Gods rules as well as Man-made rules.
God gave us freewill, but somewhere in between I feel He shouldnt have........
That's our blessing as well as our curse.

I disown my freewill and say God please rule me 100 per cent as this would prevent me from sin. If God is in full control esp of my choices, then I would never be put in the position to sin and hurt Him.

Funnie story, I'm still fooling around with my ex.........
There's a reason his is an ex, but I just cant seem to be able to close the book on him.
Thus giving him the upper power.
One problem I had in the relationship was how he could claim to LOVE me so much
But on the other hand hurt me.
How he could put and see me in so much pain in order to satisfy his gratifications.
How I gave him a choice to have me back and give up his distractions,
But he'd rather have his cake and eat it too.

With all these youd think a 2nd Year Law Student would be wise enough to close/end his chapter.

My ex has put me through so much pain........physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
The bible says the heart is decietfully wicked, mine is heading for eternal self destruct.

In a way, I still hold on to the soft spot I have for me ex,
He did score some brownie points,
he is a good person....just a little...........nah a lot misguided.
But now, my bones are weak,.......Ive have too much drama in my life right now to be his saviour.
Letting him go would be the hardest thing but it hads to be done.

As of tonight the door is permanently shot.

When all is said and done, I dont blame my ex because I do am guilty of his athrocities.
I claim if you love someone so much and want them so bad that you yearn for them in your soul and spirit, you would never dare to hurt them.

So I ask myself Y DO I HURT GOD.

I dnt intend to, but I admit that I have a split second of choice to revert from committing the crime, But I ignore His feelings for my own selfish desires.

So maybe My ex and I are not totally different.
Maybe he is even better than me,
Cuz his crime is against man and mine is against God.

I sometimes look at couples and laugh all around me............
They spend so much time arguing bout silly things and not focusing on the bigger picture.
One thing theyve taking for granted is the fact that they have eachother.

So when I sit here, alone typing thinking about how all the aspect of my life seem to be falling
apart,
Wishing the atleast with all this commotion Aaron could have been more responsive.
I can only conclude with a wearied tone by saying AINT IT FUNNIE

Reserved for future use..................

Ok lets see......................


In this world there are two kinds of women,
the Beyonces' and the Michelles'

You see don't get it twisted its all black and white, theres no grey.....

I look at myself sometimes and grin,....................

The Beyonces are go-getters, nothing comes in between them and what they want
In the clubs, they get all the attention,
Basically they are freaks,................... One night stands, hell thats like breakfast,

Make out and won't think twice
Their motto is : dnt bother bout calling me the next morning boo.

Guys love em...... I mean who wouldnot.

Now the Michelles are reserved for future use,
The good holy looking gurls,
I mean guys would have to work hard to get em, and finally when you think you've finally got into her pants...................
she cockblocks you with " oh am waiting for the right person or till marriage".....lol


Now I seat back in the club, at the farest end and watch the crowd on the dance floor....
I see three categories of women


One, the highly sexual appealing gurls.... the ones on the dance floor, grinding to the floor and Shaking their behinds,

I mean these heavy set girls are rocking their lives out


Secondly, I see the gurls dancing with other gurls in centre stage,
Don't get me wrong, they into guys,....................... But really picky
These gurls hate being single and spend friday nights talking bout exs' and the criteria of the next man,...............

Funnie thing, they set the standards so high without actually thinking if they are as high as the standard they set. I mean you cant want Brad Pitt and look like Macy Gray....lol

These Second class gurls, play it hard, they want the whole package and believe the next man is the one,
hell............. guys at 20 - 25 are not thinking Marriage fool, they on a sex-marathon


Now the third classed gurls.... are the ones with low esteems and dnt appreciate how they look.
Funny enough if they took care of themselves theyd probably look better....

Feel me, if a gurl is ugly but heavily set.,.... with the right makeup and hair style, guys would digg her.................

But if a guy is ugly,,, no matter how well dressed he cant do anything bout it...lol


Anyhow, due to lack of esteem these gurls are all up in the club dancing hoeish and doing the moves guys like just to get attention,.............
Its not who they are, but they feel thats all they have to appeal to a guy....................
These are mostly the gurls who over do their dressing and feel showing skin is the only way....

I mean, boobs out .... legs out...... stomach out e.t.c..... ass out if possible
Heck, hvnt they heard if you show clevage your legs shouldnt be out and vice versa.... unless its a dress.

So there's me kicking back in the club analysing peeps,
Why you may ask?

Cuz one, im too old for the club scene,.... music has moved on and im still old school
Two, if i get a guy in the club, is he ready to give up teh whole clubbing scene and settle dwn....
em, im thinking not..... so whats the point.



Like I said, your either one or the other,............. ask yourself truely,....
where do you stand.

No mRE sidetracks..............

Call me crazy.........


You keep sending out mixed signals or I guess I only saw what I wanted to see............
Why does my heart beat so when I see you......
When does my heart call for you........

I went outta my way to get you to notice me,
Sent out all the right signals but I guess I'm not what you want.
I don't mind really,
It's not the first time.....

I just can't give up hoping I guess
even when I think Ive erased you........
I see myself staring at your window,
Wanting you to notice me,
Hoping I have it all wrong and you do in fact think of me.

I got a text today from some unknown person saying he thinks am cute,
Possibly a prank,
But silently I prayed, hoped and wanted it to be you,
Well it wasn't............
Ofcourse it wasn't........ what was I thinking..........
Life doesnt work that way......... atleast not for me.

I know God sometimes dnt let things go as planned in order to save us from ourselves,
But sometimes the heartache feels so damning that we actuallt don't mind the downfall


I say No Mre sidetracks...........
But my heart knows the truth,
It knows I'm a sucker
and what am really saying is..........
I want you so much it hurts inside.

Shattered!!!!

I've never tried this hard when it comes to what I feel......
So why now,.............

God knows I've sworn to stop,........... but I just can't
Funnie maybe it's because you don't even acknowledge me.............
I've never been on this side of the game...........
I've always got what I wanted................
And right now, Je Pense Que Je Vous Veux.............

Well Ce La Vi............. Que Sera Sera
That's all I can say...........
I'm I a freak for trying or just desparate...............

If not getting back with my ex............
Cutting out from my male friends and basically being unavailable for anyone else but you is being desparate...............
Then I'm guilty of it!!!

It's not so encouraging YOU having so many friends and always being unavailable.........
Jealousy is not my thing,........... I don't play that way,
But 5mins of your time,.......... is all am asking...................

Bullshit!!!!!!!! I don't do the chasing................... never had, and wouldn't start now.
Sending all the right signals,.............
THE CHOICE IS URS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the build up

Love can be tricky some times......
It hits you when you least expect it too.

Funny thing, I don't believe in love,
But why do I feel the way I do.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I love you,
I'm saying: I feel something within that makes me do some crazy things.

For example, staring at your room through my window, hoping you'd notice me
or making silly excuses to justify being in the same room as you.

I don't know what it is but I know I wish you could give me a sign,
Whether good or bad,
Just something for closure,
Cuz there's one thing my heart won't let go of,
The one thing that drives me crazy......
The one thing that keeps me going and doing the things I do.......

HOPE!!!!!

The Secret

ok. Listen hard.... and Listen real good.

There are two sides of a coin,
One weak, One strong..................
She gets out sometimes, even when I don't want her to,.... my alter ego.... Nikki.

Nikki is free, Nikki is confident,.... oh I wish I could be her.
Nikki is slotty, Nikki is a go-getter,.... oh I wish I could be her.

When she takes control of my body,..........my senses, there is no stopping me.
Nikki in control makes me feel invincible.

Who is Nikki? Who am I?
There are two sides of a coin,.................... but we are one.

When we love, we love real hard, but we've never loved the same person..........
When am heart-broken, Nikki is strong for us,
And when she's heart broken..... hell!!! I'm weak with her.
But we always bounce back immediately,
The more the heart-break ......... the more immune we are to pain!!!

We argue sometimes,......
We curse and fight...........
But no matter what we still need eachother,...............

I need her as my strength......... my confidence........... my shield.
She needs me.......... nah she doesn't............ but am there to keep her sane, keep her on track,.....
There are principles not to be broken............... morals that need to be preserved.

Nikki is too daring, she's adventurous, she's bent...........
I, on the other hand, i'm trapped....... but not unhappy
I'm trapped in the game of right and wrong........... sometimes I evny Nikki.....

Right now, am in control.......... but I need Nikki,
She's been silent for days.....
I don't know where she is,
I need her................... cuz right now I THINK AM IN LOVE!!!!!